Last time around we looked at Page 1 of Footprints: Bad Luck Charm, in which Jonathan followed my script exactly. Page 2 has significant changes, and I think goes to show how much a good artist and storyteller can help improve whatever you’re trying to do with the story.
So often, as a writer, you’re lost in the script and the dialogue and trying to think so visually that you’re neglecting the core of the scene and what it’s about. That was the case in my script for page 2, I think, where I was doing more to establish the setting than I was the characters (see below).
In my script there are multiple shots that deliberately mention showing off the old Vegas strip — Panels 1, 2, and 6 — of which Jonathan only rendered Panel 2 as described. He made better choices, knowing that we already established the setting on Page 1’s last panel in a very obvious and definitive way. It’s not necessary to see all the people and the lights again on Page 2; we know it’s there. Instead, he shifts the focus to the characters themselves for a majority of the page, letting their personalities take center stage as opposed to “HEY, WE’RE IN LAS VEGAS!”
I also love the close-up of ‘Resa and her intensity in 2.4 instead of the more overt way that I wrote it, because her character is about subtlety and manipulation and that glare really says more than any amount of hand waving and scene making could have. Maybe he just didn’t want to draw all of the casinos and their lights and the crowd, but it was a good choice either way.
Same goes for altering the last panel from them walking into the casino to a traditional two-shot. On Page 3 we see them inside the casino, we don’t really need to see them walking into it. Devil has explained his plan already, we can infer that they will be going inside to gamble, so the passage of time when we cut to 3.1 is implied. While I have an affinity for silhouette shots, like the one I wrote for 2.6 (on the page it’s 2.5), Jonathan made the right choice in keeping this scene squarely focused on Devil and ‘Resa’s interaction and is another example of how he helped focus the intention of this scene.
As a result of these changes, Adam had to maneuver dialogue around a bit and we axed a few lines that no longer fit with the flow of the new page layout. While I really love ‘Resa’s utter disdain for humanity in the script (“I hate this town. I hate these people.”), it would’ve made the flow clunky and hindered reading clarity.
If you haven’t yet, you can read the full story on the Footprints: Bad Luck Charm Kickstarter page. If you dig it, please consider backing us and making it a full blown reality. We absolutely love these characters and the only way they’ll continue to exist is if we can reach our goal.
Thanks for reading!
